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FICTITIOUS

by S.S. HANAMI

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1.
Don't you dare say you love me Right on cue, you lied again -- Telling him you didn't kiss me The blue lipstick smeared on my mouth says you did Don't forget – it's you who told him you would cut all ties with me So don't you dare say you miss me Or act like you're sad we don't speak If you love me as much as you claim, Then stop stalling and take me today If we both want this, what's left to say? Go in for the kill now or just go away I can't bear to see your smile reflected in anyone's eyes but my own If you love me as much as you claim, Then stop stalling and take me today I thought you hated causing me pain Go in for the kill now or just go away Go, never forgetting this was your choice, you could have had me But I suspect I'd be naïve to think that you will lose sleep over me Always live cursed with the knowledge you could have had me if you'd wanted But you're still with him, so I'd be naïve to think that you will lose sleep over me I doubt you'll even see me in your dreams I gave you every opportunity
2.
You hated him for hurting me, but now look what you've done Or did I expect too much from someone so broken? Make no mistake – I loved your scars and hope you find healing But why should your illness be a license to hurt me? Bloodstained kiss Break the skin You were everything I never knew I wanted Now I'm left pleading with your ghost More than anyone, you would always love me Swore you'd never let anyone else have me Now it's you who have hurt me most The very traits I should beware are those that attract me I cherish each lie you told to get closer to me A phantom, a specter You slip through my fingers You taught me the pleasures Of love with real danger Bloodstained kiss Break the skin You were everything I never knew I wanted Now I'm left pleading with your ghost More than anyone, you would always love me And if I refused, you would still pursue me Now it's you who have hurt me most There is no fault in finding love with more than one person But I could not bring myself to flirt with deception Bloodstained kiss Break the skin You were everything I never knew I wanted I'm still here, pleading with your ghost More than anyone, you would always love me And if I refused, you would still pursue me Now it's you who have hurt me most You were everything I never knew I wanted You did all the things I never knew I wanted Now it's you who have hurt me most
3.
My heart was laid bare, My true feelings unveiled They affirmed what you already knew The sting of my oath, Her knife at my throat It's clear there's no room left for you Turns out I haven't really changed that much after all this time You breathed not a word as your eyes filled with tears Why didn't I look away? The glow left your face as you looked in my eyes and they told you what my words could not say To think she hasn't really changed that much after all this time What calamitous chains What cruel fetters of fate Bound all three of us here At the same time and place? In the same heavy shadow To be crushed by its weight As my shallow "love" for you evaporates As our fragile bond disintegrates
4.
FICTITIOUS 05:11
As he peers into the firmament, a scholar with a quill pen traces over random points of light, sketching constellations -- Signs to guide us through the dark And in that mute, inhuman void he somehow sees Orion As we peer into the human heart  to catalog its contents, From the chaos strewn about within, we construct transcendent concepts -- “Constellations of the heart” We instill them with significance then cast our hopes upon them Romance and Eros, Friendship and Love Are as real as the constellations above When no human eyes remain to gaze up in awe, There will be no constellations, only stars We were never Lovers, we were more than Friends  No title did us justice It was not quite Romance, but no less than Love I still can't quantify it No one word could capture us So I felt our bond was far more meaningful than if I'd simply been your boyfriend Romance and Eros, Friendship and Love Are as real as the constellations above When no human minds remain to connect the dots, There will be no constellations, Only nameless stars, strewn about at random So remote from our earthbound cares Now, I fear that I've lived too long -- Too self-aware to truly fall in love, Unable to suspend my disbelief Ursa Major roams the nighttime sky, “timeless” and “transcendent” But the same stars, in another time and place, were known as Seven Wise Men In another still, they were a Funeral -- three mourners following a coffin Romance and Eros, Friendship and Love Are real, like the constellations above When no human eyes remain to gaze up in awe, There will be no constellations, only stars
5.
ZERO TALENT 06:22
I plunge into a crowded scene, chasing the horizon My deepest thoughts are but a drop diffusing in this ocean Forsaken by the Muses on the day I finally realized The masterpiece we write today will be tomorrow's b-side Like stars that glare at me from far away These songs are but a vacant afterglow Although the light is just now reaching Earth, The stars themselves burned out so long ago I still recall - this song could make tears well up in my eyes But since then, I fear I've heard these chords far too many times I lost my faith in music on the day I finally realized No song can ever make me feel the way it did the first time Like stars that glare at me from far away These songs are but a vacant afterglow They took so long to finally reach your ears, My passion for them died out long ago I want to hear music for the first time again I need to feel music like the first time again
6.
No Means Yes 08:47
I had misgivings You vowed to break me So why then, now that I'm all yours, have you left me stricken and ignored? You feared rejection But now it's you who've turned me down You were the predator and I was your helpless prey I wanted you to catch me, you let me get away Too old for romance You were my last chance The spark you incited blossomed into flames When the heat rose, you left me to perish in the blaze You were the predator and I was your helpless prey You finally had me cornered, how could you let me escape? Don't trust in Fate Nothing is “meant to be” And no single person is your “one true love” So let's seize this while we can You were the predator and I was your helpless prey I longed for you to catch me, how could you let me escape? I need to know your “no” means no Don't leave me with a single hope No spark that could someday, somehow Rekindle what we now snuff out Cremate this corpse so it won't rise Our love can never be revived No wine-stained teeth or scotch-soaked sheets Just promises we could not keep

credits

released July 17, 2015

Season Two CAST:
Robert Adams - Vocals, keyboard, koto
James Brinkle Jr. - bass, feedback
Nat Morkan - guitar
Andrew Wiggins - drums

All songs written by Robert Adams, Nat Morkan, Andrew Wiggins, and James Brinkle Jr.
All lyrics by Robert Adams

Recorded at Skylab Studios by Gerry King (skylabstudios.com)
Engineered by Daniel Nitsch
Mixed by Gerry King
Mastered by Gerry King at Skylab
Produced by S.S. HANAMI

Front and back coverart drawn by AnHellica (anhellica.deviantart.com)
Bandmember drawings by Jaerika.

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S.S. HANAMI Cape Canaveral, Florida

“…influenced by the theatrics of J-rock, the melancholic nostalgia of Visual Kei, and the soundtrack accompanying the most stirring scene from your favorite anime.”

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